Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Yatterman (aka Yattaman, aka ヤッターマン)
2009, Dir. Takashi Miike

Reviewed by Gaz, 8:21pm (Pacific), Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

watching a crappy bootleg of Yatterman to see how much I can understand without subs.

holy crap, is this a kid's movie? it's got boob grabs and a laser-shooting robot penis bigger than the one in Transformers 2!

AND a closeup of a crotchburn (like a rope burn, but on a crotch)

also, I'm pretty sure that monster is raping that guy's face


a robot called Virgin Rotor with steam powered boobies!

they fight the bad guys with their giant robot version of Clifford!

oh god this is too funny. I wish I were watching with with other people around

hahaha he's sucking the scorpion venom out of her inner thigh

and the lady hero looks jealous

オジプト? What the hell is Ogypt?

oh noes! here comes the Virgin Rotor!

the good guys' robot is called Yattawan, which is basically Yattawoof

and it pretty much sucks as far as giant robots go

it needs a scooby snack before it can pwn the bad guys

it's big attack? barfing up tiny robot ants

Virgin Rotor, being torn apart by the killer ants, literally says "Oh yeah, I'm coming!" (in English) while Yattawoof dry humps... something

she then bleeds motor oil out of her eye...

maybe I should find another venue for my live-tweets of movies, I feel like I'm spamming you all.

And then, http://www.real-timereviews.blogspot.com was born!
(now, back to the review)

the robots are having awkward robot sex...?

these bad guys are very "Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaiinnn!" except with an explosion cloud shaped like a skull

aaand, the lackey just got pantsed

he's wearing, of course, an evil metallic sumo thong-type garment

now I think the lackeys are confessing their gay love for each other. ...(no, seriously)

oh, I thought we were going for a boobie faceplant, but instead it was the typical faint-onto-your-lips kiss

I smell a love quatrilateral! or maybe some other polygon

IT'S A BOMB! *insert bad Schwarzenegger impression here*

they hold funerals for their smashed up toy robots. How very Japanese

At this point I wonder if adding some screenshots might improve these real-time reviews...? Maybe when I'm reviewing a movie I can actually take screenshots of.

If I continue with the theme of reviewing ridiculous Japanese movies based on old school animes, maybe I'll do Cutie Honey next.
(back to the review)

closeup on her sudsy feet and pink/black painted toenails in the bath?

conveniently placed bubbles strike again!

for some reason, shit keeps vanishing out of existence-- a blimp, a roller coaster track, all of Mt. Fuji (except the snow), a suspension bridge (plummeting the cars and godzilla on it into the river), then the "pa" in a Pachinko sign

run fatty, run! I can see your panties!

to raise money, the bad guys sell wedding dresses and giant sushi with color-changing plates for ¥100,000 apiece

what crazy robot will they build next? Why, a giant squid robot, of course!

at this point the movie froze because Megavideo is annoying and only lets you watch 72 minutes at a time. I have to wait half an hour until I can try again.

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